Sometimes the hardest things facing couples stems from what should be the simplest things for them. Thriving relationships have one thing in common, good communication. Hurdles to talking with one another come in several forms. Some partners point to their childhood where they were not given the tools to communicate effectively. Others develop patterns where they deflect certain levels of conversation as a way to protect themselves. Being able to connect conversationally on several depths provide a variety of topics and reveal more about one another.
In this area, couples talk about all the fun stuff. They joke with each other. They share things like their favorite movies, the songs they dance around to when no one is watching and the best Thai food they have ever eaten. All of these things sound like the frivolous flotsam and jetsam easily ignored. Does it really matter that someone danced to the twist at their fourth birthday? We all need fun. We all need safe topics. Without them, going any further becomes almost impossible because who wants to share the pain of their parent's divorce if they can't confess how formative the Mad Max series of movies are.
It is also easy at the beginning of a relationship, but these fun items keep a relationship exciting. Going out for a private dinner where guessing their new favorite song pulses vitality into the relationship of an established couple. By putting aside serious topics for a short time, people can reengage with the partner they met.
This moderate level of communication allows partners to open up about their thoughts on more serious issues, their personal history and feelings they might have. Saying they like a movie or song is one thing, but explaining the reason for the love gives a clearer picture of them as a person. Also, hearing a partner plays a certain song when they feel isolated provides a clue for when the music is blaring on a random night.
|Many Layers of Couple Communication|
These item usually have to be said a couple of times. They may even need to be rephrased because people generally, even when told directly, fail correlate these items. Being aware of this challenge permits couples to extend a bit of patience to one another. The longer they are together the clearer the patterns may become. They can also gently remind the other of something they have said previously because of their history.
This level of communication, typically, is the most challenging. The areas of discussion reveal the most hidden things about a partner including their fears, embarrassments and ways they have been hurt the deepest. Deep truths exposed too early either demonstrate a lack of understanding of their gravity or poor communication training. These things are parsed out over time and are sometimes seen best from the outside.
While this level can be quite messy, it is also where deep love resides. Couples with long history where they have heard all the silly stories and revel in knowing why those stories matter are able to profess deep love for one another. This love, this bedrock, will stand when nothing else will. A couple talking on this level will be able to face the challenge of the future as a forged unit.
While all these areas exist, using them all is critical. Staying in one exclusively damages the relationship because either no deeper knowledge of one another flourishes or seriousness chokes out all the fun. Find safe times to have a variety of conversations because they reveal all the beautiful facets of every relationship.