The dust has settled, all of the “You left this at my house” items have been returned (or trashed depending on how the breakup went) and you are left sitting alone.
Knowing how to move forward in your life and how to navigate the minefield of starting a new relationship isn’t always obvious, especially when you’re mid-breakup.
If you’re in a wonderful relationship that is going to last forever, keep these tips for your poor friends who will most likely need it at some point. Plus, then you’ll have it in case you ever need it. Not that you will. But, in case.
1. Let it go. Not just the catchy tune from an animated movie, these three little words can save you a world of hurt. Let go of the relationship and free yourself from its clutches.
If you were the “breakee”, don’t go and beg the “breaker” to take you back. Rarely does this work, and if it did, the resulting second breakup is just worse somehow. Accept the reality and start to heal.
2. Make peace. It is ok to have a tidal wave of emotions, and you will have them for a while. That’s ok! Give yourself permission to use all of your feelings – just don’t give yourself permission to act on them. Getting angry at the “breaker”? No problem. Smashing all the windows in breaker’s car? Not a good idea.
3. Do something. Now is a great time to try something new. Always wanted to learn how to line dance? Take a class. Go on a weekend cruise with a couple of friends. Hike through the mountains.
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4. Career boost. Pour yourself into your work. Offer to take on an extra project, or take a class or certification course that will help you advance in your workplace. Success at work will make you feel better about yourself, and will help your career advance.
5. Get chatty. It’s not a good idea to discuss every detail of your sordid breakup story with everyone. (Plus, the cashier at the grocery didn’t want that much information when she asked “How are you today?”).
Call up a trusted friend or schedule a counselling session with a trained professional to talk about your feelings and pain. Airing your emotions will help you recover from the breakup faster.
6. Stay single. Often, the idea of being alone makes the breakup feel even worse, so women will rush into a new relationship to help ease the pain. Take some time to do a little soul-searching, and to evaluate what you are looking for in a relationship before jumping back into the dating world.
7. Say no. Drowning your sorrows can seem like a very good idea when the pain of a breakup is still raw. Using drugs or alcohol as a way to forget your breakup or to dull the pain of losing your relationship seems like a good idea at the time.
The long term consequences aren’t worth the few hours of forgetting. Hangovers, addiction and embarrassing behavior can all be the results of binge drinking. (Bitter, drunken woman doing karaoke is never good. Remember this.)
Square one is never a fun place to be, but eventually you’ll be ready to start the game again – just make sure you’re ready first.