Every relationship – from that with members of your family, to your friends, to your significant other – has “sacred occasions” associated with it.
For instance, if you miss Mother’s Day, you are in trouble with the whole family.
Similarly, there are certain kinds of days that are unique to a relationship. Valentine’s Day, for instance, should never be spent with friends if you have a significant other. New Year’s Eve is another day that couples should spend together.
But your friends may also have their own calendar. For instance, if the “girls” always have spent Memorial Day weekend at the beach, it would be bad form to make her spend it at a picnic with your family. And, woe to the girlfriend who breaks a SuperBowl Sunday tradition with his buddies.
There may be conflicts between “sacred days.” If this is the case, you need to talk through them. Try not to let the situation end up pitting your friends against your significant other.
When the Best Friend is of the Opposite Sex
What do you do when his best friend is a girl or vice versa? How do you handle the platonic pal that is always in his life?
Whether or not men and women can truly be best friends has long been a subject of debate, and there's no way that we're going to settle it here. Suffice it to say, for the purposes of this report, we're operating under the assumption that heterosexual men and women cannot be best friends; sex always gets in the way.
Therefore, if a guy and a girl appear to be best friends, it's necessarily because one of them secretly wants to see the other naked.
So what do you do if you meet a guy or girl, start dating them, and find out that her best friend is of the opposite sex? Their commitment to their friend might make you jealous, but if you get too possessive too fast, you're bound to lose them. The trick is to assess whether or not her best friend poses a threat to your relationship, and then deal with the situation accordingly.
First things first, don't express jealousy. It's likely that your love has dumped many previous boyfriends because they couldn't handle the fact that her best friend is of the opposite sex. It's especially important to note that if you issue an ultimatum early on in the relationship, you will lose. Besides, jealousy makes you look insecure, especially if it's unfounded. You need more information before deciding how to act.
Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you want to meet the best friend. It's the only way you'll be able to accurately assess their relationship. Does he stare at her longingly? Does she flirt with him? Remember to keep your jealousy in check. He or she is her friend, so she's naturally going to be comfortable hugging and speaking confidentially to their friend. Your main objective here is to assess the competition.
You'd make an effort to be nice to her same sex friends right? So why should things be any different just because her best friend is of the opposite sex?
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Your new love is going to judge you based on how you treat their friends, so make a real effort every time the best friend is around. Besides, if you're consistently nice to the best friend, and he or she is consistently a jerk to you, you'll be the nice girl or guy who's making an effort, and they’ll be the problem one.
As you determine whether or not the best friend poses a threat, you need to find out more about their history. Casually ask whether he or she and the best friend were ever more than just friends. Keep the tone light and playful. Chances are that there was at least one drunken make-out session back in high school. Make sure to find out as much about the friend’s romantic history as possible too. If he or she "never seems to find the right person," it could mean they’re still pining after your new love.
In the case of a man, if her best friend is a guy, it's probably going to cause problems for your relationship, as there will always be another guy with whom she's emotionally intimate. Ultimately, if you want your relationship to succeed, you need to gradually become her "go-to guy," the first person she thinks to call whenever she has good or bad news. Here are some techniques to help you phase her best friend out of her life.
In the case of a woman, make it a project with your boyfriend friend to find his best friend a boyfriend of his own. Suggest that the two of you start setting her up with single ladies you know. Go on double-dates to facilitate the process.
Another useful technique for phasing the best friend out is to subtly get your love to talk about them. Encourage them whenever they start complaining about the best friend. Be there whenever the two of them get into an argument. Remember, however, to assume a passive role. Insulting the best friend is not the way to your partner’s heart, so don't try badmouthing the friend yourself.
Keep Her Friends Happy and You’ll Keep Her Happy
This section is mainly for guys as women are much more likely to involve their friends in the details of your relationship. Gossip among women is more rife than that among guys.
When you and your girlfriend have a fight, one of the first things she might do is call her friends that night bawling because you chose to go out with the guys instead of her. Loyalty between friends runs deep and they will be on her side, as your buds would be on yours, but it never hurts to have them on your good side.
This article will continue with tomorrows article.
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