It is Okay to Mourn
Grief requires mourning. Give yourself permission to get over the relationship. Call in sick to work if you need to.
Write a letter to your ex spilling out all of the hurt you have. It is okay for this letter to run pages and pages long. But don’t send it. Instead, when you have poured out your heart on paper, burn it. This will help you bring closure to the relationship.
You may also want to create a “divorce ceremony” to help you bring closure to the relationship. Just as the bride and groom take two separately lit candles and together light a unity candle to signify their new union at a wedding, you can create a divorce ceremony that signifies your new single state. Your ex may wish to join you in this ceremony or you can do it yourself.
Congratulate Yourself on Being Human
Part of being human is experiencing the hurts of everyday life. Life hurts – but there are great parts too. Acknowledging that there is both pain and joy in life will help you appreciate the human experience more.
You may want to develop a helpful mantra to help you get through this stage in your life. A mantra is a mind tool which is used like a barbell for the mind. You repeat a short phrase frequently to help you develop that mindset. You might say “I am a lovable person” to yourself with a great frequency – especially when you are feeling unlovable.
During this time, you should reach out to a close friend or family member for support. Your ex was a big part of your support system prior to the break up. Because he is no longer there, you need to strengthen the other facets of the support system you have in place.
You also need to remember what is good about you. Make a list of the things you offer a potential partner. If you are loving, giving, and an easy conversationalist, dwell on these things rather than the fact that your ex didn’t want you anymore.
Also, remember that it’s not always about you. Your ex had other things going on in his life that were independent of whatever you brought to the relationship. When he said “it’s not you, it’s me,” maybe it was.
Finally, honor how you are feeling. Don’t dismiss your emotions quickly just because they are uncomfortable. Part of being human is to have these hard emotions. They help you grow.
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