A more productive thing to do with your time is to finalize the end of the relationship. For instance, exchange all of the “things” that you have of the other’s. If there are “things” that you don’t necessarily need to exchange (ie. his toothbrush), then throw them away. Get rid of any of the things that remind him of you.
And, as you reach the end of the “getting even” phase, you can begin to see the whole event as a learning experience. Maybe you have learned that there is a specific type of person that you want to avoid in the future. Maybe you have learned some things about yourself that will make you a better partner in the future.
Eventually, you will reach the final stage which is not giving a damn. You will start to wonder what you saw in your ex in the first place. Perhaps you will always have a special place in your heart for your ex, but seeing him with another woman won’t be the end of the world. At this stage, it is possible to move back into a friendship relationship with your ex.
You will also be ready to move into a new relationship yourself. If you still have strong feelings (even negative ones) towards your ex, it’s a rebound relationship. But, if you don’t give a damn about him, you can develop strong positive feelings toward a new man.
What is Grief
The reason you feel so terribly after a break up is that you are going through a normal human emotional reaction known as grief. What is grief? Grief is the specific process of letting go of an attachment to a person.
When we think of grief, we usually associate it with the death of a loved one. But, sometimes, the grief is actually stronger with a break up. One woman’s first husband died suddenly. Some time later, she remarried and that relationship ended in divorce.
The woman related that the divorce was more emotionally devastating than the death of her husband. That’s because there was a normal mechanism for dealing with grief when someone dies, but when you break up with a person you loved, people tend to tell you to “get over it.” There’s no support for breaking up grief.
Whether the grief is over someone who died or over someone you lost through break up, it goes through four stages.
The first stage of grief is denial. You may be saying to yourself “I can’t believe that he left me” or “I can’t believe that she likes him better.” These are normal reactions.
Next, you will move on to an acceptance of the situation that is infused with anger. You believe that the person has really broken your heart and you are angry with them for doing that.
In time, you will be able to acknowledge your sadness without the strong emotional response of anger. During this time, you need to take care of yourself and your needs.
Article 3 in this series of articles will be continued tomorrow. Meanwhile take a look at this below:
(Over 50,119 Customers In 77 Countries Have Used This Proven System!)
Works For Long Distance Relationships Too…
Just wanted to thank you and let you know how much you have helped me. I followed the [your guide] after a very bitter breakup of a two-year plus relationship (my first since my divorce from a21-year marriage). It started out being one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted in my life and after the initial two weeks I started feeling stronger each day and better about myself. My ex sent me an apology email three weeks in …By now, I had the strength to actually “sleep on it” and sent him a response the next day…within seconds he called me and asked to see me and was crying because he was glad I was talking to him. We are starting out very slowly again as friends (which is difficult for me since I am still deeply in love with him). An interesting note is this is a long distance relationship and your program still worked!! I am so happy to have him in my life again.
Just wanted to say thank you soooooooooo much for the amazing advice in your book the magic of making up. Yesterday was that all important First Date and it was absolutely fantastic… i just had an email from him saying what a great time he had and how he can’t believe how cool it was to be together. Also back when we split up, your book picked me up out of the mud when I was feeling the worst I ever felt in my life, and doing all the things you advised gave me a life line – now I am so much stronger and happier. I’m still going to take things slowly with my ex (I’m not at the end of your plan yet!!) but I can’t believe how well life is going only 2 months after I felt like I was half dead. Thank you so much.
Ex POPS The Question…
…just an email to say thanks for all the support and knowledge. my boyfriend has just proposed. we are the happiest we have ever been. wedding booked for 2011.many thanks,