fredag 15 september 2017

How to Communicate with Your Mate About the Tough Stuff: Jealousy


By Susie and Otto Collins 

Joe's wife, Kristi, has a jealousy problem and he's had enough. It seems that every single day there is new drama in their marriage...generated by her. 

It's often the same turn of events. Joe comes home a little late because he's been tied up at work or maybe he needs a little time to unwind after a long day, so he stops for a drink with a co-worker. 

Then, when Joe does arrive home, it seems like he's always greeted with accusations and interrogations. Joe wants to know how to talk with Kristi about her jealousy before it's too late for their marriage.

When it comes to jealousy, talking with your partner in a way that doesn't tear you further apart can be really tricky. 

It may be obvious to you that your mate has a problem. The number of times that he or she has flown off the handle and accused you of flirting, looking at others or even having an affair may be too many to count. 

On the other hand, if you are the one who tends to get jealous, it may be obvious to you that your partner is the one with the problem.

Perhaps, from your point of view, he or she truly is a flirt and sometimes even talks, looks at or touches others in ways that you find inappropriate. 

What's your perspective? 
When it comes to jealousy, your perspective can truly alter what you see. It can mean the difference between words or actions being innocent and "no big deal" OR them being suspicious and betraying.

This is really important to remember as you set about to communicate about jealousy in a way that helps you and your partner move closer together. 

Try to move beyond the question of who's right and who's wrong. 

You are certainly experiencing a situation in a particular way and your mate is probably experiencing the same situation differently. 

In order for the two of you to be able to talk about what you each want and to create agreements you both can stick with, it's vital that you remind yourself that your perspective is not the only
perspective of what's going on. 

Does this mean that you have to just sit there silently while, for example, your boyfriend so clearly checks out an attractive woman who walks by? 

Of course not. 

What it means is that instead of yelling around about it or storming off, you make a clear and, as calm as possible, choice about what you'll do next. 


Man Kissing Woman's Right Hand

Speak honestly and about your feelings. The next time that Joe comes home late to an irate wife, he does something out of the ordinary. 

He hears her litany of questions... "Where were you? How do I know you were really at work? When will you learn to treat me with respect and call me when you'll be late?"

Then, Joe tells Kristi that he's going to take a few moments by himself and then he'd like to talk with her about this whole situation. 

She is surprised, because this is not Joe's usual reaction, which is to yell back at her that she needs to just trust him and stay out of his business. 

During this time alone, Joe takes some deep breaths and calms down. When he steps back from his own perspective for a moment, he can understand why Kristi would be upset and even feel jealous and worried. 

Joe returns to Kristi and apologizes for being late and for his habit of not calling to let her know his plans. He then opens up and shares with her how sad he feels about the tension and conflict between them lately. 

He tells her that knows that he's not easy to live with and that he feels trapped and boxed in when Kristi lays in on him with accusations and interrogations. 

Together, Joe and Kristi begin to sort through how they each feel. A greater understanding of where they are both coming from results. 

There is no magic cure for jealousy. 

But, when you can begin to own and communicate honestly about your emotions and you take responsibility for your share in the habits that are driving you two apart, magical things can happen. 

Choose words that reflect your experience of the situation. Do not label your partner's experience or guess what he or she wants or is feeling. 

You can always ask questions to get more information about what's happening for him or her. 

For example, Joe says to Kristi, "I get really angry when you automatically assume that I'm sleeping around with another woman because I get home late. But, I wonder if you are afraid that that's exactly what I'm doing when I don't call. Is that true for you?"

When you ask a question, be sure you really listen to your mate's response. Even if you don't agree with his or her perspective, you might be able to better understand what's going on for him or her when you do. 

From this place of listening and sharing honestly, you and your partner can create agreements that will help you to overcome jealousy, bolster trust and begin to move closer together. 
********************************************************************
Would you like more help overcoming jealousy in your relationship?

We have tips and advice for those who are jealous and those who are with a jealous partner in our FREE mini-course. Click here to sign up now.

torsdag 20 april 2017

Keeping Partners Happy

Relationship happiness challenges every couple and grows only more so the longer couples remain together. It goes beyond flowers at Valentine's Day and a sweet card on the anniversary. Knowing one's partner is critical followed closely by avoiding the temptation of self interest. Let's see some key missteps and wins in keeping partners happy.

Self Happiness Temptation

The person's tastes and preferences one knows the best is their own. When making decisions in a relationship, they can have a hard time putting aside what they prefer in favor of their partner. What causes these choices to be wrong?


* They ask for a change the partner is not willing to make -- either because they do not want or are not ready to make.
* They seek to establish a level of commitment for one's own security in the relationship.
* They cast the individual in a light not fitting who they really are causing them to feel a deep discomfort.
* They call into question the reason for the relationship if they do not meet unspoken expectations.

Early on, these sorts of things can be talked out because couples are getting to know each other. The amount of information they do not have far outweighs what they possess. Trouble occurs when it continues to happen because then a partner begins feeling they are not being heard.

What Makes Them Happy

A few simple rules exist to discover what makes another person feel happy in a relationship. If they are simple, people think everyone gains access and follows through in every instance. Because of such an unfortunate misconception coupled with a person's natural desire to follow their own self interest, partners need to interrogate and investigate what they are doing.

Free stock photo of sea, dawn, sky, sunset
Keeping Partners Happy

Ask: Often simply asking a partner will give the clearest indication the aspects of relationships bringing them the most joy. Bear in mind, this might change because people often blind themselves to what they really want. People also need to feel safe enough to be able to give voice to their desires in a relationship.

Watch: People will do things pointing to just what makes them happy. Do they say they need time alone and then linger in the same room with questions? They could be asking for the contact or time. Maybe they produce something creative and need the nurturing safety of the relationship.

Hear: As with everything, we all long to be heard, sometimes even the words. A partner who lived in a tumultuous house growing up may struggle with expressing how deeply they care. By being exposed to their history, one can pick out bits of their story coming through in what they do and positively impact them when they are opening up.

Happiness Connection

There are two people in the relationship, so happiness is not based on a single side. Pursing only one person's bliss will create a lack of balance. Why would this be bad? It provides a place of hiding. By being shielded, couples may become close without any opportunity for deeper connection. This means communicating, exploring activities together and fostering inclusion. This should be reciprocated because happiness should be both people's goal.

Think of a relationship as a tree. Rarely, does anyone ask if a tree is happy. Fortunately, everyone knows when it is happy because it is healthy, strong and growing. A relationship where both partners flourish, feel heard and laugh together stretches its root deep into the ground and hold fast for years to come.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

söndag 19 februari 2017

The Magic of Making Up

The Secret you need to know to get your lover back! From the man that has helped over 50 000 people in 77 countries to get back together again!



(Over 50,119 Customers In 77 Countries Have Used This Proven System!)

 Works For Long Distance Relationships Too... 

Just wanted to thank you and let you know how much you have helped me. I followed the [your guide] after a very bitter breakup of a two-year plus relationship (my first since my divorce from a 21-year marriage). It started out being one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted in my life and after the initial two weeks I started feeling stronger each day and better about myself. My ex sent me an apology email three weeks in ...By now, I had the strength to actually "sleep on it" and sent him a response the next day...within seconds he called me and asked to see me and was crying because he was glad I was talking to him. We are starting out very slowly again as friends (which is difficult for me since I am still deeply in love with him). An interesting note is this is a long distance relationship and your program still worked!! I am so happy to have him in my life again. 
Thanks again, Denise Dating Again!

 Just wanted to say thank you soooooooooo much for the amazing advice in your book the magic of making up. Yesterday was that all important First Date and it was absolutely fantastic... i just had an email from him saying what a great time he had and how he can't believe how cool it was to be together. Also back when we split up, your book picked me up out of the mud when I was feeling the worst I ever felt in my life, and doing all the things you advised gave me a life line - now I am so much stronger and happier. I'm still going to take things slowly with my ex (I'm not at the end of your plan yet!!) but I can't believe how well life is going only 2 months after I felt like I was half dead. Thank you so much. Alice

 Ex POPS The Question... ...just an email to say thanks for all the support and knowledge. my boyfriend has just proposed. we are the happiest we have ever been. wedding booked for 2011. many thanks, Jenna 


 Talking Again... Just wanted to say THANKS!! Me and my ex are talking now. The letter thing worked, even though I thought it wouldn't.... -Delois Best Money Ever Spent... You are the best!!! After one day, again one day, my changed attitude had my ex calling and wanting to see me. I won't take his calls but this showed me that the changes you showed me, worked...you have helped me more than you will ever know... Thanks and keep up the good work. Best money I ever spent!!! Melissa 


Casey gets his girl back! I have good news, my ex did get back with me! She said to me the guy she went out with before was a cover up and she was lying to herself the whole time. Thanks for the support. Casey 

 Married Again... got him back we were married again on the 25th of January .... Linda 

 Not A Scam... I am beside myself that something actually came of this... I was SO skeptical putting in $39 to an e-book. I was positive it would be a waste of money, and there wouldn't even be a book as promised. PLEASE make it clear somewhere on your page that this is NOT A SCAM and that there are 62 PAGES FOR THIS BOOK, PLUS BONUSES. I was beside myself. 
Thank you so much... Sara 


"Impossible Not To Work" Just wanted to let you know your advice is so rational and so sound... At such a horrible and tough time it is reassuring to read the correct way to handle yourself and go about respecting someone's wishes (a breakup) but at the same time try to get them back. A lot of people don't realize how simple and easy it is, patience is a virtue and because of you ... I am now dating the love of my life again, we were together for 4 years, split for only 2 1/2 months and are now back together. I did what you... told me was the ONLY option and it worked. If it is true love and meant to be, your advice is impossible not to work. Thanks for the guidance. You're a good man! CC "On her hands and knees" well it tool some time but i got my girl back. she pretty [much] got down on her hands and knees coming back to me thanks buddy. Rob Talking Like Friends Again! I have just downloaded the materials from the website. I am eager to read and learn. I ALREADY HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS!! Just from the video via your website, before attaining the reading materials, I talked with my ex yesterday for 40 MINUTES!! It has been months since we have talked that long like friends. He even hinted around that we could have a future together. MY ATTITUDE WAS DIFFERENT!! I WAS FRIENDLY AND ACTED LIKE THE BREAKUP IS OK!! Thanks for the free advice and I can't wait to get to reading!! 
I'll keep in touch. Tiffany 


Back Together...Guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i took your advice and my ex- boyfriend and i are back together again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and thanks 4 the advice AGIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Adrian 

 Back Together...Effortlessly... I am happy to report that my Ex and I are now happily back together. I have to say it was effortlessly done! I thank you for all of your great information. 
Cheryl 

Pleasantly Surprised... I have received your guide entitled The Magic of Making Up and was pleasantly surprised with the quality of the advice contained therein...[removed due to sensitive nature] 
Jacquelynn 


 "Dude It's Working..." DUUDE ITS WORKING MAN. After a few weeks of being cool and ok with it, i said we should be friends, and now shes saying im going to give you another chance to get to know me, and if im paying attention to her like i said i would, then ill find the right time to ask her out... thank you! 
Taylor 

Can't Believe This Worked... OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH! I GOT MY EX BACK JUST AN HOUR AGO ! I CANT BELIEVE THIS WORKED ! ! ! 
Tiger 

 Planning A Beach Getaway! Just wanted to thank you for all your help! Your book is amazing and got my man and I back together within a few weeks of reading it. Now to clarify, it had already been some time since we had even spoken to each other, and I was really starting to miss him. I read your instructions very carefully and fallowed them to the tee, and it worked! ... I could not have done it without you! We are now blissfully celebrating are Birthdays together, and are even planning a beach getaway just us two. 
Thank you sooooo much!!! Lena 


 Finally Married!! thanks for all you help and encouraging words,quotes and what to do. He proposed and we are finally married thank you very much. 
 Antonett 

 Another "OMG!!! This Works" Note... OMG!!! This totally worked....nothing I had tried worked and then I texted him that message and he returned my call!! I cannot wait to see where this goes.... Jessica 

 Broke Part Of The Wall Between Us... I downloaded your book and me and my ex talked for an hour and a half. IT was the first time we talked since November of last year! I followed the instructions in the book and am happy with the fact that we were able to just talk even though no progress was made as far as getting back together yet. She is still living with her boyfriend, but I feel like we broke part of the wall between us. If this book helps me to get her back, I will drive to Arkansas and personally shake your hand! So, on that note, hopefully I'll see ya soon! :) 
Will in Concord, NC


Married And Happier Than Ever... Thanks Tdub, I listened to a couple of your emails and used them with my former ex and now we are married and happier than ever you are a God and I owe a lot of this to you. 
Thanks man. John

Have A Date This Friday... Well, My ex and I are talking a little bit more now. He text me yesterday and said that he missed me. He also told me he still loves me. And we have a date this Friday...[removed due to personal nature] 
Sep 

Most Informative... hey Tdub! how's it goin'? i watched your video, and i must say, it's the most *and you're the most* informative person i know when it comes to what to do about a break up. 
Dianna 


 Back Together In One Week... I did buy the book, and got back togeether in one week. [removed due to personal nature] 
Gina 

 Ex Flying Back From England! Hi there! Wishing you a very happy christmas too! Thank you so much for your help, your ideas really managed to open my eyes and to see you from another perspective!!i never used to think of it that way. I have learned a lot about myself too, and i now know how to speak to him whilst keeping in control of the situation at the same time. My ex and i had a long distance relationship and he is flying over to see me here in England to try and sort all this mess out! 
Regards and many thanks Nadia


måndag 2 januari 2017

Expressing Love Without Neediness

The emotion of love brings with it countless twists and turns. Those under its sway report mood swings and uncontrollable behaviors. During those times, normal expressions of care create an unstable environment. Though sounding counter intuitive, the madness of love makes people say and do things they might not. Misunderstandings occur most frequently when rocky times buffet the relationship. After a break up, a partner may receive a rebuff from a previously adoring loved one. How can love be offered without leading to greater distance? Let's see how it is possible.

First, a clear definition of neediness is necessary. The word itself denotes a condition of want, need, poverty or indigence. In the state of lack, people behave differently than they might when all their needs are fulfilled. Think of someone under the stresses of extreme hunger. They consume things regardless of how healthy they might be because of their blind need for calories. This can happen emotionally as well.

Manifestations of Neediness

Expressing love while in need carries a yawning maw of emptiness. No matter how much love one puts into it or hears care and concern back, they never feel full. Part of this is because they seek to use their love for a partner in lieu of their own self worth.

Spectacular sparkling flower for you
Expressing Love Without Neediness 

* Filling Oneself: Saying things like "I love you" may be rubbing a deep wound of unrequited affection from the far past. This attempt puts too much pressure on a partner and projects neediness.

* Outside Approval: More than just traditional love, approval or value can be bolstered by the presence of a partner. Sensations of being undervalued lurk just out of sight.

* Lacking Separation: Loss of status by no longer being part of a couple causes pain. The emotional pain may lead to clinging onto a relationship out of fear of being alone.

Expressions of Love

Variety proves to be one of the beautiful characteristics of love. As there are infinite people feeling countless things in the world, love pours forth in a myriad of ways. It is up to the person to find the things with the power to speak to their partner. Sometimes the act will require work. Other times love drips from them like fresh honey from a honeycomb.

Gifts, actions and words demonstrates one's deep love in numerous ways. Expressions of love must be tempered. Hearing "I love you" too much will dull a partner to the true meaning of the words. Conversely, a partner saying "I am only happy when you love me" places far too much pressure on the receiver. Gifts and actions carry the same potential to damage relationships rather that allow them to grow.

Taking time, allowing space and checking one's motivation creates a relationship, even one recovered from a break up, where love can flourish. Use the variety of love to capture all the ways a partner encapsulates the things they mean. A healthy relationship lasts for a long time. This means every expression of love can be an exploration into the endless array of the powerful feeling. Say "I love you" a new way everyday.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

torsdag 29 december 2016

Reinvigorating Self Esteem Post Break Up

The emotional blow brought about by the ending of a relationship, especially one with deep roots, tends to shatter even the strongest foundations of self esteem. People begin to question why it happened, if they are worthy of love and where their true value lies. These questions force the person to stare deep within themselves for the answers. Simple responses like "time heals all wounds" or "there are other fish in the sea" never reach the darker corners causing people to wrestle with themselves in the middle of the night. Fortunately, steps can be taken to repair the damage done to the self esteem because of a break up.

Establish Your Value

Following the end of the relationship, someone might find it challenging to see how they matter. The initial step centers around discovering where true value lies. The first pass of this step needs to be done alone. After taking time and fully considering one's value, they can then take their insights to a trusted friend or counselor. People rarely, if ever, possess a clear picture of themselves. They might discount important components of themselves, so they need an outside view.

Aspects of Values to Consider

Values Rarely Change: It might be easier to view these as the elements making up someone's personality and character. They might mellow or intensify with stress or calm, but values almost never vanish.

Values Run in Packs: Clusters of values swirl around making up the whole person. Finding one will usually bring another to the surface.

Keep thinking Of Us
Reinvigorating Self Esteem Post Break Up

Values Scream and Whisper: When on the search, some values will be obvious like those who place a high value on their care of others. Sneakier values duck and hide fearing their exposure might cause pain. All the values are important, even the ones not wanting to be found.

Working in the Now

Taking time for oneself is critical following a break up. In the cauldron of the emotional turmoil, one can find the things pointing them toward a smarter, kinder and wiser version of themselves. Some important parts of this process need to be remembered.

* Patience: Everything will not be better or revealed overnight. Quick answers will not bring lasting comfort.
* Compassion: Being kind to oneself can be one of the greatest challenges because lashing inward proves easy.
* Perspective: The past is a guide and not a template for all things in the future. Learn without clinging.

Avoid Shortcuts

Following the break up and when hurting deeply, one may struggle to salve the wounds with things to tamp down the pain. Relying on distractions, even good distractions, will prolong the time spent trying to bring the self esteem to a healthy place. Using repetitive, numbing actions only give temporary boosts or blankets to one's view of their self worth.

Self esteem is like a tree with times of flourishing and times of pruning. One can view a break up as a way to see what is truly important and where their true value lies. By focusing during this time, one will be ready for the next relationship while taking comfort in being alone. Also, a strong self esteem permits anyone to stand secure in who they are.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

söndag 30 oktober 2016

Finding the Good Side of Jealousy

People tend to categorize things into binary sides of a page. Doing so means they need to expend less effort in decoding how they feel, understand the impact a decision may have or judge the response of others to their actions. This behavior exists in several areas, not the least of which is emotions. Ask people to come up with lists of good and bad feelings and the common denominators will form. On the bad side of the page, emotions like anger, covetousness and jealousy will likely be in the top three.


Understanding each emotion contains a wide range of reasons for its existence. Looking back over time, not every expression of anger proved to be negative. Even jealousy provides positives aspects within a relationship. One needs to be open to the exploration of what they feel to see how jealousy can be channeled in a beneficial direction. Let's see three up sides of jealousy.

Jealousy as a Fence

Being attuned to the indications of jealous demonstrates healthy boundaries within a particular relationship. Couples with open communication are able to share what they need, how a partner or their own jealousy makes them feel and potential damage caused by manifestations of jealousy. Only by talking about it can couples identify the healthy boundaries of the emotion. Without discussion, jealousy morphs into an insidious beast tearing at the tender parts of a relationship.

Jealousy as a Carrot

Everyone requires motivation. Sometimes the carrot leading the to the reward can be positive to reinforce a behavior. However, people are equally motivated by unproductive behaviors. Jealousy can bring about change for the better. How is this possible? Consider the following:

Circle Heart
Finding the Good Side of Jealousy 

* Caring Expressions: Jealousy, though charged with underlying passion, may cause partners to be too rough. Seeing the fallout will motivate tempered expressions of love.

* Fiery Attention: Cultivating deep care keeps the molten aspects of jealousy from burning a partner. A challenge arises when only the raw jealousy comes out.

* Witnessing an Alternate View: Jealousy is triggered by a party outside the relationship. This allows for a fresh perspective and reminder of the things drawing one to their partner to begin with.

Jealousy as a Compass Needle

A famous quotes regarding clarity center around the simplicity needed as a foundation. Almost nothing distills an idea into its simplest form like white hot emotions like jealousy. Couples can see what really matters when one or both of them succumb to the power of their jealousy. Once they know the direction they need to travel, they can set the destructive aspects of jealousy aside preventing it from poisoning the relationship beyond repair.

All emotions, whether traditionally lauded or vilified, possess the potential to help and hurt relationships. Communications in all areas presents the ideal foil to deflate the damage presented by rampant jealousy. Partners must balance what they feel against the truth presented by their existing relationship. They can utilize the boundaries, motivations and directions offered by jealousy. Success only comes to fruition when couples grow together with an awareness toward their own shortcomings without being crippled by them.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

tisdag 18 oktober 2016

Expectations Before an Ex's Return

In this day and age, couples with an existing history can find themselves back together. The time apart makes reestablishing the relationship or even moving back in with one another infinitely more challenging. For this reason, couples need to set realistic expectations and boundaries to prevent a fiery repeat of the past. The steps couples undergo are simple and critical allowing for a possible future.

Date

Balance

Couples need to determine how to set a balance between what occurred before and the future. The tenuous nature of the present post break up leads to circumstances where either one may feel they need to behave differently from their natural tendencies. A verbal agreement might assist in moving forward where the past is resolved without damage to the impending path before the pair.

Space

Even those closest before a separation, regardless of the reason, will need to negotiate the space they share. The funny thing about space is it does not always refer to square footage of a residency. Relationships have emotional and intimate spaces where each person requires a level of safety to form in a functioning couple. Initially, one may want or need more room or assurance of stability. This can be a slow growth area and forces couples to deal honestly with one another.

Return of Trouble

Establishing how to deal with conflict in the future must be hashed out prior to reestablishment of the relationship. Everyone wants to believe they are falling into a pairing with their ideal mate. Unfortunately, things never go smoothly all the time. If such bliss were easy there would be no need for things like apology cards, flowers and homemade meals with cupcakes spelling "I'm Sorry." Ignoring future trouble only compounds things, so it is better to address things early.

Beauty of heart
Expectations Before an Ex's Return

Communication

Everyone thinks they possess a lock on good communication. They know what to say in every situation and can hear the truth behind the words professed by their partner. While this overly rosy view of things feels right, couples often note communication is the one area they struggle the most. Sharing things, especially the hard stuff, means being honest with oneself and a partner. Making communication a priority is a must if a couple settles back into a relationship.

Find Peace

One of the most difficult things in getting back together centers around peace and contentment. This becomes harder if there has been a significant betrayal like infidelity or abuse. Couples must take a hard look at what needs to be overcome. If the mountain proves too high to scale, they may come to the conclusion they are unable be together. This expectation generally proves the hardest of all because even the people who may believe they are meant to be together may never locate the serene place where they are able to grow as an individual and as a couple.

Expectations permit those seeking to reestablish a terminated relationship to reenter with clear vision and hope for the future. Each aspect requires hard work. Often couples wilt under the pressure of one of these components. If they rush, the couple will find themselves trapped in an unhappy situation which they may wish never existed. They are better off investing with hard work at the beginning while hoping for the best moving forward.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…